Leave Love Bleeding
by Duo-chan
Summary: Two years. Two years from the day Duo had told Heero that he loved him. - 'R' for language - COMPLETE!!!
1. Part 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or it's characters. I simply love them to death and think that I'm Duo. But...I think that I'll settle for that at the moment. ^_^  
  
Warnings: Angst (I made a friend start to cry by the first couple paragraphs). No lemon.  
  
Notes: Unfinished. R&R please, I know, you'll do it if you want to. But I really don't know what kind of ending I want. Good or bad. Well, read the fic and then you'll be able to know what I'm talking about.  
  
  
Leave Love Bleeding  
  
Two years. Two years since the war ended. Two years from the day Duo had told Heero that he loved him. The Wing pilot had just sat at his laptop, the typing had stopped but he didn't turn around. He didn't break the silence. Duo knew it was rejection and so he had picked up the small sports bag that held all his belongings in the world, turned around, and walked away, a lone tear making its way down his chin. He had taken the next flight to L2 and then "disappeared". The ex-Deathscythe pilot hadn't talked to any of the others since that day in December, since that Christmas in AC 197. He never wanted to talk to them. Heero's rejection had hurt him more than he had been thinking it would have. Even now, December 25, 199, two years later, when he saw Quatre on the TV talking about the Winner Estates Duo would get sick. he knew that they had looked for him, were still looking for him, but he didn't want to be found. He had moved around, skipping from colony to colony, but his feet never touched Earth, the last place he had seen Heero. And now, now he was on a little colony named LX38915. it was one of those old, busted up colonies, a good place to not be noticed. Nobody questioned anybody about who they were or where they came from or why they were there.   
  
The braided boy laid on his torn up couch in his apartment room. The small 12x12 TV was turned to the new, but Duo didn't listen to any of it. His tormented mind was thinking back to a Christmas two years ago. He was lost in memory. After he had gone to L2 he had changed his name, discretely, to something quite different. He had then destroyed the files that told which name he had first. The once mischievous, light-hearted boy had created a birth certificate for himself, born AC 178. So, legally, he was twenty-one instead of nine-teen. He had created a whole new person out of nothing, and he didn't even miss a beat. He invented a past and 'gave' it to the government files. Nothing big, nothing that would draw attention. Born on Earth, parents died in war when he was 17. Within a week of their death he turned eighteen and was a legal adult. He moved to L937 and lived in a apartment while getting odd jobs, and was still living there. Yes, he had actually bought a cheap apartment in L937 and still had it, so he visited every once in a while. And money and jobs were all taken care of. It was flawless. Nobody would find him. Duo looked up at the clock and groaned. It was 1:30, which meant he only had half and hour to get to the shuttle that would take him to L2. He groggily got up and clicked the television off. Then he stuffed his things in a bag, and then left the rotting apartment.   
  
Walking along the streets of LX38915, Duo was able to escape his thoughts to some degree. He had seen somebody, somebody who looked familiar. Dropping his bag in a trashcan, Duo crept along the shadows. He could buy new clothes later, and now he might need to move quickly on fast notice. There, in the crowd. Another one down the street. They were Magnanacs, Quatre's servants. But, what were they doing on LX38915? They always followed Quatre around, so that would have to mean that the blond boy was there. Duo blocked the memories. He had to get to the shuttle, quick and definitely not drawing attention to himself. The ex-02 pilot slipped his braid in his jacket, then slid his black cap on backwards as he ducked into an alley. Even though he might be thought a gang member...in fact, that was a good thing. Besides, he couldn't climb with his eyes covered. The buildings making the alley were tall, but not too tall, like the fire escaped was not too far of a vertical jump.   
  
He cleared the jump expertly and, as quietly as an ex-Gundam pilot could, which was deathly silent. In less than a minute he was standing on the roof of the building. Looking around, Duo calculated which way to the shuttle and started making his way there along the rooftops. He stayed close to the edge though, to keep an eye on the Magnanacs, which were doing a good job blending in, even on the empty streets.   
  
Finally, making it to the airport, Duo crouched on the edge of a building and growled in his throat. Magnanacs were checking everybody in that was boarding. "Damn it," he hissed as he jumped down to the street, stumbling a little bit. His stomach was a twisted knot of pain and he was slightly light-headed. /That's what not eating will do to a person though. Deal with it./ "How the hell did they find me?" The only choices were to stay or go on and try to get onto the shuttle without being found out. He had to actually stop and think for once. There wasn't any real reason he had to get back to L2 except that he though he had stayed here too long. /And I was right./ He snorted. Sneaking on should be easy enough though. He had kept himself trained no matter what the depression, working out helped him get tired enough to forget a little bit, if he didn't just pass out. He didn't look like he was deadly though. Depression might be part of the reason that he was still in shape but it also kept him from eating, which was to say, what was causing him to pass out while or after a work out, and was most likely the reason he didn't feel good now. Duo had seen his reflection a couple days ago, and it probably hadn't changed since then. This pail face, deep set cheeks, dark hollow bags around his eyes, eyes that were such a dark, dead, and empty violet that they could pass for black. His jaw line was profoundly pronounced, and his lips were thin, a pail pink color, and set in a straight line which few words, if any, never crossed.  
  
Duo walked towards the shuttle, he had his ticket, why waist money? He got in the line, it was short enough that he could see Rashid at the door, and a nearly hidden Quatre. /Trowa must be hunting the streets. They never leave each other./ About to switch his hat front-wards he remembered his hair and then just flipped up the collar of his black trench coat. /Black and pail, I probably look like a gothic person./ A smile did not pass his lips at his self aimed joke as he stepped up to the door of the craft. A thin, pail hand gave to ticked to the lady collecting them and then passed Rashid and Quatre. He didn't so much as glance at them.  
  
Remembering his gun, hidden in his coat, the braided teen was thankful for no having a weapons check. That was the reason he usually had to sneak onto flights. He still carried around an arm of some sort by habit and there was no way to get around getting caught with it. Even taking the thing apart and putting them in separate bags hadn't stopped the authorities from finding the thing. Duo came back to reality when he heard the rustling sound of many people moving and being pushed aside. He spun around sharply to find himself face-to-face with Trowa. /He can't have recognized me./ The stern faced boy though. The ex-Heavyarms pilot's green eyes lock with Duo's, they stared at each other for a minute and then Duo turned to board the shuttle when a hand clasped his shoulder.  
  
"What the fuck do you think that you're doing?" The ex-02 pilot spat. Suddenly his hat was taken off and thrown to the ground, then a had going down the collar of his jacket and closing around his braid. Duo's hands started to move towards his weapon but the hand grasping his shoulder let go for an instant and snatched the gun before the black clad boy could.  
  
"Trowa?" It was Quatre's concerned voice. "What are you doing? What are you looking for?"  
  
"This," he stated as he pulled his hand out of the coat and revealed the thick, three-foot long braid.  
  
Duo pivoted around and glared daggers at the tall teen in front of him. "Fuck you!"  
  
"D-Duo?" Quatre asked, his voice cracking. The captured teen turned his eyes on the blond and gave him a famous Heero Yuy death glare. "Allah! Duo!"  
  
The black-violet eyes kept glaring. "Leave me alone."  
  
Quatre looked like he was about to cry as he stared at his old friend. "Duo. You...you look like you haven't eaten in days!"  
  
Duo knew that the words the boy spoke were true, but it didn't bother him. What did was that he was getting faint again. "It doesn't involve you," he seethed and yanked himself away from Trowa, or at least tried to. /I can't be that out of shape./ His stomach twisted again, causing his knees to get weak. /Not now. This can't happen now. I'm fine./  
  
"Is he alright?"  
  
"I don't know. He looks like he's about to-"  
  
Darkness closed in on Duo and he collapsed.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
"Is he okay?"  
  
"I don't know. He looks like he's about to-"  
  
"Duo!" Quatre cried out as the chestnut-haired boy's eyes rolled up into his head and he fainted. Trowa was quick enough and scooped the unconscious teen into his arms. "Allah! Let's take him to our shuttle." Trowa nodded sharply and the two walked away from the L2 bound space craft. "Trowa?"  
  
"Hn?"  
  
"How did you know it was him? I couldn't even tell, he's so different."  
  
Trowa looked down at the pail, dead looking body in his arms, and then turned his eyes back to his lover. "He ducked into an alley and I followed him."  
  
The shorter boy's eyes were full of guilt. "How did you know it was Duo, not some other person?"  
  
"Other people don't have a three-foot long braid and then disappear from an alley in less than a minute." They kept walking silence towards their private shuttle. Even without words the green-eyed teen knew that his lover was worried. "It's all going to be okay Little One."  
  
The Arabian sighed. "Look at him. I mean, it's obvious that he hasn't eaten. Days...maybe even weeks. And, the way that he talked to us. I've never heard him swear before, except when he was in major pain, always jokingly though. There wasn't a hint of a smile, not even his eyes revealed his old self. And...I mean...two years. He's been gone for two whole years on his own. And it took us this whole time to find him. He tried really hard to keep hidden, he created a whole person, a life, a family, so that we wouldn't find him. The two ex-pilots entered their shuttled. They went to one of the bedrooms and Trowa laid the limp body down, and then turned to Quatre.  
  
"It's like he's a whole different person." His blue eyes were welling up with unshed tears. "He's so full of hate and hopelessness. It radiates from him. It's like he's dead on the inside." Trowa gathered the little angel in his arms. "He even looks dead!"  
  
- - - - - - - - - - -   
  
Duo woke up in a soft bed, unlike any he had been in recently. His stomach was cramped up painfully and he gritted his teeth, trying to ignore it. Blinking a couple of times, things finally came into focus.  
  
"You're finally awake."  
  
That voice, it was so familiar. I sounded like /Quatre!/ Duo knew he should be mad, but he was too tired and in too much pain to do anything. But not being angry didn't mean that he was going to start talking. He had stopped talking unreasonably two years ago.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
Duo's teeth ground together. The only answer that the blond got was that he blinked.  
  
Quatre took a shuttered breath and then spoke. "Here's something to eat," he said hesitantly.  
  
"I don't want anything," Duo stated. His stomach twisted again at the smell of food, but he probably wouldn't be able to keep anything down anyway. So it didn't matter if he said no.  
  
Another deep breath. "Duo, you have to eat something. Wh-when was the last time you ate?" The Arabian didn't even know if he wanted to hear the answer.  
  
Clenching his jaw Duo spoke reluctantly. "The eleventh," he informed through closed teeth. He didn't know why he was giving this information out.  
  
"Allah! That was two weeks ago! How could you do this to yourself? You're starving yourself!"  
  
"Why did you find me?" The question had been bugging the American for awhile now. Why couldn't they have just left him where he was, left him alone.  
  
"What?" The blue-eyed boy was slightly taken aback by the question.  
  
The pail teen too a shaky breath. "Why did you go through all of this to find me?"  
  
"Because we're your friend and we care about you! And you disappeared off the face of the planet with no reason at all. You worried all of us to death. We thought...we thought you might have died." The last sentence was only a whisper but it could still be heard.  
  
Duo was in a minor state of shock. They didn't know why he left? Heero hadn't talked them about what happened? Or made up some story about it?  
  
The Arabian continued. "All we knew was that Heero blamed himself."  
  
Despite the violet-eyed boy's state, anger boiled up within him. "Fuck Heero! Son of a bitch! He's an ass hole!" He turned his head from where Quatre could see his face and half buried it in a pillow. "I doubt he fucking blamed himself. He knew why, he knew the fuck why I left. He knew the fucking reason was him!" Duo didn't care about what he was saying. "He knew it was his fault!" And then the tears came. After two years of keeping it all inside of himself. Two years of self inflicted torture. Two years of depression and anger. Two years of self hate and respite for himself. Two years of keeping in the tears that he refused to let come when he walked away from his and Heero's room. All of it came crashing down on him and he started to sob.  
  
Quatre, surprised at what he was hearing and Duo's breakdown, rubbed his friend's shaking back. "What did he do?" The question was out of his mouth before he could think.  
  
"I loved him. That bastard! I loved him...and he didn't say anything.  
  
The blond was shocked by that, more than the long rant before. "Oh...Duo. I don't know what to say." He took a deep breath, trying to calm down and clear his thoughts. "Can I do anything?"  
  
The braid swung back and forth with a non-verbal 'no'. "He destroyed me Q." A deep shuttering breath and he went on. "He ripped my heart apart and he didn't care. He-he didn't ever swear at m-me, or...or tell me that he d-didn't love me. He just fucking s-sat there and didn't nothing!"  
  
Getting up, Quatre wrapped his arms around his best friend who turned and buried his face in his pink tee shirt as he continued to sob. The blond sensed somebody in the room and looked up to see Trowa in the doorway. He could tell by looking at his love that the uni-banged boy had heard, at least enough to know what the story was.  
  
When Duo had exhausted himself he had been placed gently back on his bed by Q and then fell into a deep sleep.  
  
"Probably the first in two years," Quatre sighed.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - -   
  
"I just, I just can't imagine that Heero caused this. I can't even think of how he feels." The shorter boy started indicating his sleeping friend, Trowa's arms tight around him. "He hasn't eaten since the eleventh. He's killing himself." Sensing that he had touched on something that his lover knew more about, Quatre looking up into those bright green orbs. "What is it Trowa? What did you find out?"  
  
The taller boy sighed. Something Quatre could read him almost too well. "He's still really strong." He knew that his lover would piece it all together.  
  
"Oh God! He was killing himself! I mean...working out? Even he knows that's dangerous. He's so weak from not eating and then...We need to take him back to Earth with us." Quatre stated sternly.  
  
Trowa snorted. "As if we would leave him by himself?"  
  
"I can take a vacation. He need us now, and I'm not going to let anything interrupt with that." The smaller boy said determinedly.  
  
The green-eyed teen tightened his arms around his koi. "You deserve a vacation anyway. You've been working way too hard."  
  
Quatre sighed heavily. "Just hope that we can fix it. There's no telling how long that will take. And...he still might not be the same."  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - -   
  
Duo woke groggily. He remembered where he was, after he spotted Quatre sitting beside his bed. The blond's eyes reflected his worry for his friend. "You need to eat something." He stated, there was no room for a rejection. He picked up a steaming bowl of something and dipped a spoon into the bowl and then held it to Duo's lips.   
  
The braided teen unconsciously opened his mouth and accepted the broth. After he tasted it he seemed to wake up to the world around him a bit more. He swallowed then look at the other boy. "We're moving. Where are we going?"  
  
"Earth."  
  
The violet-eyed teen went rigid. "Wh-what? Earth? B-but I haven't been there since..." the sentence trailed off.  
  
Quatre knew what Duo was talking about and was a little surprised by it. Duo had never gone back to Earth; not in two whole years. There hadn't been any clues that informed them that he had gone to Earth ever, but the blond had just assumed that he went back at some point in time. But then again, he hadn't known the reason why Duo had left then. "It's okay Duo. Its just gonna be you, me, Trowa, and the Megnanacs. But that's it." The boy still looked nervous. "Duo?" He looked up and their eyes met. "Do you trust me?"  
  
"H-h-yeah," he stuttered. It wasn't the same 'with my life' answer that he would have given during the war, and it wasn't the Japanese 'Hai' that he was about to give, but it was enough, and it was the truth.  
  
"And you know that I would do nothing to intentionally hurt you?" A nod was the answer. "Then believe me when I say that everything will be alright. Okay?"  
  
Another nod.  
  
"Master Quatre?" It was a Magnanac, standing in the doorway. The smaller boy looked up in recognition. "There's a call for you."  
  
"Okay. I'm coming." He turned back to face his abused friend. "You okay on your own?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
With a hesitated nod, Quatre handed Duo the bowl of chicken broth. "I'll be right back." Then he got up and left the room. "Who is it from?"  
  
Duo could hear the blond asking the Magnanacs as the started to walk away.  
  
"Zero-five."  
  
/Wufei?!/ The teen shakily put the bowl on the bed side table and snuck out of the room after the two. He got to the door of the room that Quatre had gone into and stood right outside it, peeking in to see the conversation.  
  
"Hi Wufei. What is it?"  
  
"I got a brief message from Trowa. Did you really find him?"  
  
Quatre sighed heavily and nearly collapsed into the chair in front of the screen and rested his head on his palms. "Yes. On LX38915."  
  
"What's wrong? You look horrible."  
  
"Allah. You think that I'm looking bad. You should see him Wufei. It's like he's a dead man walking." He looked up at Wufei, "the last time he ate was the eleventh. That was four-teen days ago."  
  
Wufei looked at Quatre with concern. "There's more." He stated, it wasn't a question.  
  
Another sigh. "He's been doing stuff. I mean, for Heaven's sake, he's skin and bones and he's been working out. I'd be lying if I said that he doesn't need held. It's serious. He's doing all of this to himself. It's all self inflicted. Nobody's forcing him not to eat. Nobody's holding a gun to his head anymore telling him that he has to work himself to death."  
  
The Chinese pilot glared. "Quatre, you're still not telling me everything."  
  
"He told my why he left." The 05 pilot's jaw clenched and the blond continued. "But I...it's just that...I don't think that I have the right to tell you."  
  
Duo's let out the breath that he hadn't known he was holding. Quatre wasn't going to tell, or, not now at least. Not Wufei, not today.  
  
"What?!" Wufei exclaimed.  
  
The blond gulped and then spoke again. "I think that he needs to tell you on his own, in his own time. It's...it's private."  
  
Chang's eyes were glittering with anger. "It was something with Yuy, wasn't it?" He was growling. "What did he do? I swear, I'll kill him. I just knew it was him."  
  
"We all did, it was obvious by the way he blamed...blames himself."  
  
Wufei snorted. "But, its something big. Something big enough to make Duo leave, to want to not have any contact with any of us. What did that bastard do to him?!"  
  
"I can't tell you!" Quatre's voice was pleading Wufei not to push it any more.   
  
Another growl. Wufei knew he could get the information, but he was to respectful of space, even at a time like this. "Does Yuy know that you found him?"  
  
"Not that I know of. We haven't told him. I mean, we can't even reach him at the Cinq Kingdom. Security is too good and we can't find his email. Or at least, if it's still the same, then he doesn't ever respond to us. Besides, when we do get a hold of the Cinq Kingdom we can never talk to him. There's always an excuse."  
  
Duo went completely immobile. /The Cinq Kingdom? Heero is at the Cinq Kingdom?/ He shook his head a listened again, something Wufei had just said caught his attention.  
  
"Is he still there? The Cinq Kingdom I mean. Is Heero still there?"  
  
/He might not be there!/  
  
"We're pretty sure. He's been there for the past two years. We don't have any evidence that he's gone anywhere else."  
  
The braided boy was standing in the doorway, trying to hear what Quatre had just said. /I must have heard it wrong./   
  
Wufei had stopped speaking and Quatre knew something was wrong. He looked at a blank screen and saw his friend's reflection. "Oh no!" He got up, the chair clattering to the floor, and spun around to face the other teen. "Duo!"  
  
Duo's heart was pounding, he was getting light-headed and it was hard to breath. /I heard him right./ He didn't see Quatre, he was lost in his mind, in his thoughts. /He...he's been there for two years. Ever since I left./ His breath was sharp and jagged. /But, why do I feel this way? He-he never loved me anyway./  
  
/Still, the Cinq Kingdom. With Relena./  
  
/I knew he felt for her. He never killed her...but then again, he didn't kill me either. I never thought that he would...the Cinq Kingdom! I never imagined that he felt romantically for her./ The thought made the ex-pilot sick to his stomach and he collapsed to his knees, heaving up what little soup he had, and then just gag after that.  
  
/And I confessed to him./  
  
/Did I really expect for him to love me back?/  
  
/No...but, he probably thought I was a freak./  
  
/I am./  
  
/But...he feels, he blames himself for my leaving. Why would he feel that way?/  
  
/Cause the others felt so bad? So he felt guilty./  
  
/Heero doesn't ever feel anything! That's the problem!/  
  
/He obviously feels something for Relena./  
  
Duo barely felt the hand on his shoulder. He was still on his hands and knees, gasping for my breath. He was finally shaken and he sat up, looking up at Quatre who was looking down at him with worry. With everything that had happened a part of the old Duo had escaped and he was able to break a faltering grin, but his eyes gave him away. "I'm just too weak Q," bowing his head again he sighed. "I'm just too weak," and even softer, "because I can't stop loving him, and I can't stop thinking of that Christmas."  
  
"Duo, you're not weak for loving him, and you're not weak because of that memory. But you can't keep it so close to you." Quatre melted to his knees beside his friend. "You've got to stop this. If you don't learn to let go then you're going to kill yourself."  
  
TBC  
  
  



	2. Part 2

Notes from the Author: I know that the first part of this was really long, and this is definitely not as long as that, but people have been bugging me to post more...and I think that my friend's who've read it are really getting pissed. So I'm posting this now. Don't worry. I'm still writing!  
  
  
  
Chapter 2  
  
  
Quatre had forced Duo to finish the broth and then the braided pilot had fallen into a peaceful sleep. When he next woke up he was in a different bed. Queen sized with a down comforter. Looking around the room his eyes spotted a window what revealed a clear blue sky. /Earth./ He thought. /I'm back on Earth./ There was a pause in his thoughts. /Hey...I slept all the way over here? What did Quatre put in my soup?/ He shook his head. No matter how much he had wanted never to see anybody from the war again, but he had to admit that it wasn't all that bad seeing Quatre and Trowa again. He still didn't know though if he was ready to change. It was too much. If he had just seen them and then been aloud to go on his way. But...he had to admit that the blond had been right. He would kill himself if he kept up the way that he was. /Does that really bother me though?/ The thought just flashed across Duo's mind and then left.  
  
The violet-eyed boy threw the covers back and got out of bed. He then walked over to the window and looked out at the Arabian desert. /I'm not read to be here. I don't care if it's the desert. I'm not ready to be on Earth./ Duo scanned the room with his eyes and spotted a pair of jeans and a white button up tee shirt over a chair for him. There were also a pair of tennis shoes and socks for him. /God, there's not black. It is the desert though./ He let out a deep gust of breath. /Probably helps Quatre with trying to get me out of this. But I'm not staying, I'm not read for this. Not now./   
  
After he was dressed the American walked silently to the door and put his ear against it. There was no noise, but it was still too chancy to go through the house, he'd get caught. Especially with all the Magnanacs everywhere. So Duo made his way to the window and opened it. He looked outside. He was just on the second floor, and nobody was around. He could get out in a jiffy and be home-free. Then all he'd have to do was catch a shuttle back to space. It would be easy.  
  
Duo was about to climb out the window when he looked around the room again and spotted a desk. He remembered Quatre's eyes when he had told him that they cared about him and how scared they all were when he disappeared without anybody knowing why and they didn't have anything to go by except for Heero feeling guilty. The ex-pilot made his way to the desk and found a pad of paper and a pen. Then he jotted down a quick note and left it in the middle of the desk. Capping the white 'Winner Estates' pen, he put in one of the Jean's pockets, just the top of it sticking out. Maybe remembering Quatre would keep him eating. /Or maybe it'll just keep my alive./  
  
The window was open and a warm breeze made it's way into the room. /Good bye Quatre. Bye Trowa./ He went back to the window and checked outside again. Seeing nobody he listened; hearing nobody, Duo decided that it was safe to leave. He slipped out with grace and made his way down the side of the house easily. Standing on the ground the braided teen looked back up at his window. /Gomen. This is just too much. I can't do this./  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -   
  
Quatre glided along the hallway to Duo's room. He was happy, truly happy. They had found him, it took two years but they had finally found him. Now, the hardest part would just be seeing if they could get the old Duo back. He didn't like the cold, dead looking, death loving person that was living in the braided boy's body at the moment. But Quatre knew he had to try something.   
  
He came to Duo's door and knocked, no answer. Knocking a second time he was again greeted with silence. "Okay Duo, I'm coming in." The blond opened the door, stepped in, and froze. He was gone, Duo was gone. The bed covers were thrown to one side, the clothes weren't on the chair and the window was open, and...there was a pad of paper on the desk. Walking over to the desk he saw the handwriting on the paper and his breath caught. He read the letter quickly.  
  
"Good bye Quatre. Bye Trowa.-  
I don't want you to worry. I'm fine. I can't deal with Earth now. It's too much and I know that I'll be alright. Trust me, I'm fine. Maybe I'll see you in a couple of years. Maybe not. But don't worry, I don't want you to worry.  
-D.M."  
  
/Oh God, he can't have left! No...not now. We had just found him. He won't be alright! He'll die if he's by himself!/ The blue-eyed boy grabbed the letter and fled the room.  
  
"Trowa!" Quatre cried as he burst into the library, tears already streaming down his face. The taller boy was at his side instantaneously. "He-he left. His window was open. The clothes were gone and...and...I found this! He's gone!" He shoved the not at Trowa and his lover read it quickly.  
  
Trowa slid his arms around his lover. "It's okay Little One, we'll find him. He can't have gone far."  
  
"But I don't know when he left. He could have left hours ago!"  
  
"I checked in on him about forty-five minutes ago and he was still asleep."  
  
The blond let out a little cry of thankfulness. "We have to find him. He says he'll be okay. But...he won't. I mean, so far all he's eaten is soup. He can't disappear again, even if there is a not this time. He just can't do this to me. To us. To himself!"  
  
Suddenly the door to the library burst open and Wufei enter the room, Duo was in his arms, shaking with unshed tears. "I saw his just as I was entering the premises. I caught up to him and asked him what he was doing and he..." The Chinese boy looked down at the helpless bundle in his arms. "I didn't recognize him at first. He's so light, he doesn't weigh a thing." He looked back up at the other two. "And I thought he looked bad when we were talking and I had seen him. He's almost gone."  
  
Quatre ran from Trowa as Chang set the trembling Duo in a chair. "Thank Allah you found him!" The blond hugged Duo tight to him and started to stroke his hair. "Duo, you can't do this. You can't leave us again."  
  
Trowa came up behind his lover. "We can't leave him alone."  
  
"I suggest you lock the windows with a key or something." Wufei stated. Green eyes looked at him questionably. "Well, that's what he would do. Go through the window rather than the house."  
  
"We could give him another pill," the uni-banged pilot stated.  
  
"Uh...I think we have a bigger problem than that." Quatre informed as he leaned back from the chestnut-haired boy and pressed his hand against the pail forehead. "He's burning up."  
  
Quatre sat beside Duo, pressing a cold, wet washcloth to his friend's forehead. Trowa sat next to him and Wufei across from them on the other side of the bed. The patient himself wasn't quite asleep but not conscious to the world either. For awhile the three comrades just sat silently while they gathered their thoughts. Then, suddenly, both Quatre and Wufei spoke at once.  
  
"What are we going to do now?"  
  
"Are we going to tell Yuy?"  
  
The Arabian looked up at the ex-05 pilot. "I don't know if we should."  



	3. Part 3

Author's Note: Another short chapter. Thanks for all of the feedback, I really needed people to tell me to write more. I have a great idea for Chapter 4, and I think that I even know how it's going to end. *grins* But I'm not going to tell anybody. Besides, it all might change while I'm writing another Chapter or when I'm on the end Chapter. It's too early to be talking about that though. Go on and read it already!  
  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
  
"Duo, you have to promise me something."  
  
"What Quatre?"  
  
The blond shifted in his seat and then made turned and looked at his friend. Their eyes locked and he said, "That you will let us help you and won't try to runaway and disappear again."  
  
The ill teen broke the eye contact and sank back into the pillows. Sighing deeply he nodded slowly. "Okay Q." The boy looked out the window wistfully. "Okay, I promise."  
  
The Arab got out of his chair, a small smile playing on his face. "I guess that you deserve your Christmas dinner, even if it is a couple days late."  
  
"What?!" Duo softly exclaimed. "How many days? What's the...how long have I been asleep?"  
  
Quatre shook his head slightly, still smiling. "It's the twenty-eighth. It took a day to get here, then you tried to leave and Wufei got you into bed on the twenty-seventh. Now it's about twenty-four hours later. Five o'clock on the twenty-eighth." He let everything get absorbed by his friend and then continued. "So, now that you have all of that information I'm going to get you some dinner." Quatre turned and got to the doorway before Duo's soft voice stopped him.  
  
"It's going to be really hard Q. This is gonna be the most difficult thin I've ever done before."  
  
"I know Duo," The blond said without turning around, "I know." With that he walked away from the room.  
  
The braided teen lay on the soft double bed and inspected the ceiling with a precision that nobody would have thought possible. If he was going to keep his promise and stay with the other three on Earth then he would need to get his mind off of risky thoughts, and out of dangerous territory. That meant that he would need to do things to keep busy. /And there's nothing like counting./ he thought as he entered the thirties for the tiny dots on the ceiling.  
  
By the time that Quatre was back, Duo was starting his counting over for the fifth time. He had just gotten to 103 and then lost it yet again. He sighed in aggravation and then took his gaze from the ceiling and turned his attention to the Arabian. The ex-04 pilot carried a 1,500 piece puzzle box with a plate fully of food on it and a glass of water. Duo's stomach did flips in his stomach, almost causing him to gag. "Uh...I don't know if I'll be able to eat all of that."  
  
Quatre looked down at the plate and back up. "I know, but when you're working on the puzzle, know you..." The blond hesitated, took a breath and continued, "...you'll get hungry and want something to eat later." He walked over and handed Duo the plate while he put the glass on the nightstand and placed the puzzle beside the bed. "I have to go take care of some things, I'll be back later to check on you. And don't be surprised if one of the others drops by also."  
  
"Okay," Duo stated, un-amused, as he picked at the potatoes. Finally scooping some on his fork and tasted them. "See yah Q." The other teen nodded and walked to the door but the paused. Duo knew that his friend was worried about him. Not looking up from his food he said, "I run, I hide, but I never lie." /Smooth. That's a lie itself. Just am happy cause it make Quatre settle down a little bit./ And sure enough when he looked back up the blond was gone.  
  
The violet eyed boy slipped out of the bed with his food and sat on the floor. He then pouted the puzzle pieces out in front of him and started pulling the edge pieces out of the pile. Every couple of minutes he would take a bit of chicken, potatoes, peas, or some other bit of food that he stabbed or scooped up with his fork.  
  
It seemed like only a couple of minutes before Duo sensed somebody at the door. His eyes flickered in that direction and he spotted his old Chinese friend. "Hello Wufei." He didn't look up to see what the other retired pilot did, instead Duo continued to work on the orange section of the sun set in the puzzle which seem to be the easiest part to put together.  
  
"Hello Duo."  
  
The braided boy was a little surprised by being called by his first name when he had been expecting the normal 'Maxwell' that the ex-05 pilot use to always address him by. He shook it off and continued to work on his puzzle. The two ex-Gundam pilots sat in an uncomfortable silence for a little while, though Duo was fine with it, Wufei seemed to get restless with the once talkative young boy not chatting away as he had grown accustom to during the years of the war.  
  
Behind Duo, as the silence continued, Wufei walked over to the chair that Quatre had placed beside the bed and sat in it. "So, I haven't seen you in a long time. How you've been doing?" The teen wondered.  
  
"Fine," was the curt response that the braided boy gave, not even bothering to look around.  
  
"Can I work on that with you?"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
The Chinese teen slid from the chair down to the ground where he sate beside the braided boy and started to work on the dark blue or the sea at the bottom of the puzzle.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -   
  
I walked down the stairs in my swimming trunks and a black tee-shirt, a custom-made black towel with 'Shinigami' written in blood letters was draped over my shoulder. Wufei, of all people, had been the one to convince me to get out of house and go swimming. When I got outside I saw him already there, laying on a lawn chair in green trunks and he's on a white towel, which is also custom made with 'Nataku' written in silver letters on it. I wondered idly at the reason of why Quatre had these towels.  
  
Throwing my towel over a lawn chair, I lay down and produce a book. I'm not truly in the mood for swimming. And for truth, if I hadn't been so worried about Wufei taking me by the braid and dragging me out here then I'd still be up in my room working on that puzzle. I would have brought that with me down here too, but I would have killed something if it broke.  
  
"Wanna swim Duo?"  
  
I glance up at the Chinese teen and mildly shake my head 'no'. Then I turn back to my book, Shakespeare's, Romeo and Juliet. I know I'm going to cry throughout the whole thing. /I read it just to torture myself./ I think, but shrug the thoughts from my mind, or try to at least. Now I've made a hole in the dam and it's just getting bigger by the second.  
  
/Doesn't love me. Doesn't love me./  
  
A crack.  
  
/Went to her. Gone at the Cinq Kingdom for two years./  
  
And then it's blown away as the pressure builds up and the water breaks through as a flash flood.  
  
/Rejected me. Cinq Kingdom. Doesn't love me. Loves Relena. Went to her./  
  
I curl myself into a little ball, my hands clutching my had, over my ears, trying to block out the voices in my head, trying to block out the memories.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
The voice seems far away. My body starts to tremble and my breath is coming in short gasps.  
  
"What's the matter? Duo?" A pause and foot steps. "Duo?!"  
  
/Just sat there and didn't say anything. Rejection. Went to the Cinq Kingdom with Relena. Didn't look for me. Didn't find me. Loves Relena. Stayed with Relena./  
  
Strong arms grip my shoulders and I start to shake more violently. The arms snake around me and I feel myself being held closely to another body. In the confines of the embrace my shivering lessened.  
  
/Never loved me. Thinking I'm a freak. He loves Relena./  
  
I bury into the warm body, trying to forget about what is going through my mind, but it doesn't work. I'm still hyperventilating.  
  
"Shhhh...calm down Duo. It's okay."  
  
Along with the soothing voice, a hand starts to gently and methodically stroke my braid. The contact calms me down more and I'm able to take deep, shuddering breaths. Finally, my body stops shuddering. The arms loosen from around me and I whimper, the memories coming back. And then they tighten around me again. My face is still pressed again a warm, bare chest.  
  
Tired from my attack, my eyes felt heavy and I close them, enjoying the warm and protective blanket around me. A shield from the bad things and the past moments that are imprinted in my mind.  
  
"Good, Don't worry, I'm not going to let go."  
  
"I'm safe." I murmur as I drift off to sleep, but I catch one last phrase.  
  
"Yes, you're safe."  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Wufei picked up the lightly snoring boy and carried him into the mansion, his overall goal being Duo's bedroom. As he carried him he couldn't help but looking down at the mentally abused teen and feeling a pang of guilt. /We should have worked harder to find him. We should have found him faster. Two years. Two whole years! I swear Heero! You killed something beautiful. God Heero, you son of a bitch! You killed a soul, a pure and joyous soul!/ The Chinese boy's guild turned to fury at the ex-Wing pilot. How could he have done this to Duo? Of all people?!!  
  
"What happened?"  
  
The soft voice of Quatre came from the right and Wufei turned. "He had a panic attack of sorts. He's asleep now. I'm putting him to bed." He paused and went on speaking. "This is going to take a long time Quatre."  
  
"I know. But he deserves our time and attention, and I swear that I'll help him get better."  
  
"It's not a question of if he deserves our time and attention, that's a given. But...he'll probably never be that same."  
  
"We know," Trowa stated. "And it's horrible to think that, but it's true."  
  
There was silence and Wufei continued to Duo's room.  



	4. Part 4

Author's Note: Nice chapter. Another short one, but it's nice. YAY me! A nice chapter! Don't get use to it though. I think that I know how I'm going to end this but I'm not too sure. I'm never too sure about anything that I write. It comes to me as I go. But I think that I buried myself a whole that's about 100 feet deep. That's to say, I can't get myself, shovel or no. I really actually...yes...I must tell the truth. I have no clue how any ending is going to work out here. I think that this fic is going to be a lot longer than I originally intended it to be. But hey, that's okay with all of you right? I mean, by the reviews...I think that people actually *gasps* like this story so far. Could this be?? Well, read on oh faithful readers!  
  
  
  
Chapter 4  
  
  
*nine months later*  
  
"Hey!" I exclaim. "This is soooo not fair!"  
  
"Oh?" Trowa speculated, somewhat amused.  
  
"Yes!" I inform him from the branch of the tree that I'm in. "You're not suppose to gang up on me!"  
  
"Maxwell! You were not suppose to throw water balloons full of whipped-cream in our faces! What did you think was going to happen? What else would we have done?"  
  
"Take a shower?" I pondered in an innocent voice. "Go swimming?...In fact!" I scoot along the branch till I'm at the end of it, hanging right next to the pool. I get up on my feet. "Bombs away!" I scream and launch off the branch and into the pool.  
  
SPLASH!!!  
  
I bob up to the surface of the water and three jam filled water balloons smack into my face. "OW!!" I exclaim, then. "Gross!" I go back under the water, getting the stuff off of my face.  
  
I swim, underwater, to a corner or the oddly shaped swimming pool. Looking around wearily, I didn't see anyone. "It's quiet," I whisper.  
  
"Too quiet," a voice above me finishes. I recognize it as Quatre and stupidly look up, just to get a can of whipped-cream sprayed in my face.  
  
"That's a waste of good whipped-cream!" I complain right before I dive under again. I come back up in the middle of the pool. Again, I see nothing. "Uh-oh," I mutter. "Not good." I wait, and when nothing happens I sigh in mild relief. Suddenly I'm pulled down by my feet. I turn around underwater and see Wufei. We come to the surface together.  
  
"Haha Maxwell! That was almost worth being hit with a whipped-cream balloon!"  
  
I splash him and turn, just to get splashed by two more people, Quatre and Trowa.  
  
"Drink water!" The blond laughs.  
  
"I am!" I reassure him.  
  
We have a water fight, all of us climbing out of the pool at certain points of time and grabbing weapons, such as mini rafts, noodles, floaty beds, and inter-tubes. Finally we calm down and each of us is drifting along on some flotation device or another.  
  
"Ewwwwww!! Look at your pool Q!" I exclaim, disgust written on my face.  
  
The pool had jam and whipped cream floating around in it. The other three looked at it, not quite bothered by the looks of it.   
  
"It's not all that gross Duo," Trowa stated.  
  
I turned to him, my nose curled up in repulse. "I drank that water!"  
  
At that the uni-banged boy seemed to understand. "Oh...that is kinda gross."  
  
I nodded. "Yeah, thus the 'Ewwww!' part of my statement." I look back at the pool once more and then at everybody else. "I'm hungry!"   
  
"I'll get some chips and some sodas," Quatre volunteered and slipped quickly into the house.  
  
"Injustice!"  
  
"What is it Wuffy?!"  
  
"My towel got wet!" Then, in a more potent voice, "Don't call me that!"  
  
I stare at his face and can't help but start to laugh. "Oh man Wu! That's great! That is really good! You're worked up about a towel named Nataku!" I'm laughing so hard that I had to clutch my stomach as a bent over. Unexpectedly there are four hands on my back and I get shoved face first into the pool again. "Hey!"  
  
- - - - - - - - - - -   
  
Quatre walked into the kitchen and opened the breads cabinet. He grabbed a bag of Lays potato chips and Ruffles BBQ. He went over to another part of the kitchen and started to pull out some other types of snacks including Fruit Loops cereal(one of Duo's favorites), Fruit-by-the-Foot, Gushers, and some others. He then moved over to the refrigerator, but right as he laid his hand on the handle he heard the doorbell ring. Setting down the snacks the blond rushed to the door.   
  
They weren't expecting Zechs until later that night. He shrugged. It didn't really matter when the other man came, the sooner the better, Wufei was getting rather restless without having seen his lover in such a long time. Duo had even commented on it the other day, saying how he'd like to see the older man some time and catch up on what was happening. The Arabian slightly remarked his soaking wet clothes but disregarded the thought. It wasn't like Zechs was going to have a problem with it.  
  
He twisted the doorknob and started to open the door. He was already talking. "Hello Zechs. We weren't expecting you until..." the cheerful words drifted into space, long forgotten. "Allah!"  
  
- - - - - - - - - - -   
  
"Man, he's taking the longest time with it! I'm gonna go check on him, make sure he's not eating it all!" Duo exclaimed and followed the path that Quatre had taken into the house.  
  
He came to the kitchen and found it oddly empty, two bags of chips and other snacks that the other boy must have gotten were set on the counter. Thinking that he heard people at the door the braided teen went to check it out. Sure enough, when he got to the end of the hallway the door was open and Quatre was standing in front of somebody.  
  
"Hey Zechs!" He greeted optimistically hand raised in the form of a wave. He was still moving down the hallway. Quatre turned to the side and Duo saw the man standing in the doorway. His heart stopped. /Heero.../  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Duo-chan: Hmmm...I don't know...what do you think?  
  
Duo: I think that I'm surprised. And I also think that you stole my name.  
  
Duo-chan: Can you say, NO DUH!! And...about the name thing...I'm act exactly like you...what do you expect me to call myself? I mean...for Heaven's sake...my friends refer to me as Duo now!  
  
Heero: Hn.  
  
Quatre: What's gonna happen?  
  
Duo-chan: *slams face into desk* (I think that I do that too much for my own good) Do you think that I'm going to tell you?  
  
Heero: You just don't know yet.  
  
Trowa: I agree with Heero.  
  
Duo-chan: Well...  
  
Wufei: Injustice! How can you not know what's going to happen?! You're the author!  
  
Duo-chan: Awe shut up about it Wuffy!  
  
Wufei: Stop calling me that! Its bad enough have HIM *yanks head at Duo* calling me that, and I don't need you doing it too! Besides...the double Duo thing is confusing enough.  
  
Quatre: WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!??!!  
  
Duo-chan: Read on...maybe I'll get to that. *thinks* Then again...maybe not. *grins* I'm just kidding. Read on!  



	5. Part 5

Author's Note: Okay...this is serious angst people.  
  
  
  
Chapter 5:  
  
  
I'm sitting in my seat in the shuttle leading to L2. I'm sitting in a window seat and the seat next to me is empty. The whole suttel is packed jammed except for the seat beside me. I don't care though. I have my forehead pressed against the cold window and I'm looking out into space.  
  
~flash back~  
  
/Heero.../ I thought. My heart started to beat again but my mind seemed to be on such an overdrive that it stopped working totally. "Heero..." I whisper right after the thought.  
  
"Duo."  
  
It's Quatre's smooth voice, it sounds like he's talking to a scared animal and I guess that I'm not all that much different at the moment. I see Heero staring at me, his cobalt blue eyes boring into my own which are wild with fear and pain. I start to back up slowly, still not taking my eyes from his.  
  
"Duo...just calm down."  
  
I blink and that breaks the spell that I'm in. I turn around and flee.  
  
"Duo!" I hear the Quatre cry out behind me.  
  
The door to Quatre's study is open and I duck in there. I run to the window and slide it open and then slip outside, closing it behind me. I then turn and run from the house, making sure to avoid Wufei and Trowa in the back yard. I slink from the Winner mansion's grounds, unseen by any person or security camaras. I can't even believe what just happened.  
  
As I walk through the crowded streets of downtown my breath comes in short, painful gasps. I can't seem to think coherently at all and it seems that my feet know exactly where to go because when I look up I see the shuttle port right infront of me. My hands slide to my pockets and I find, to my surprise, that my wallet in my back pocket, having staid there since this morning even with all the activity that I've been doing.  
  
I go into the port and stand in a short line for L2. My clothes are dried by now and so I don't stand out all that much, except for the fact that they've dried crumply and I think that I have bits of dried jam and whipped-cream in my hair. The lady at the desk doesn't seem to notice, or if she does then she's really good at not showing it because she takes my credit card, straight faced, and runs it threw. She gives me back my card along with a recipte and a one way ticket to L2.  
  
~end of flashback~  
  
And so now I'm here, in space again. The shock seems to have not gone yet because I haven't had anything thoughts except for remembering Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei and the time that I had spent with them for the past nine months. How they had all done a great job of getting me to turn back to my normal self...or as back to my normal self as I'm ever able to get to.  
  
/Too bad I didn't get to see Zechs./ I think, surprising myself. I can't believe that that's the thought that's running through my mind at a time like this. But I know that it's better than the alternative. And now...thinking of the alternative brings it upong me. /Why did he come see us? Why was he there? What did he want? Did he want to see me? Did he finally decide that he could talk to me again? Why didn't he bring Relena with him? Maybe she was waiting in the car while he came in to check that I was really there on Earth. Maybe she had sent him to assassinate me because I loved him./ And then it hit me, like a blast from Wing's beam cannon. I still loved him.  
  
/How can I still love him? It's been almost three years. After what he did to me./ But it was the only way to explain why I reacted so badly whenever I thought of him, or Relena, or the Cinq Kingdom, or any things that dirrectly related to anything of those three things. God...I still loved him. I loved him enough that I had to wipe Christmas from my existance so that I wouldn't remember that day when I left. I loved him enough that three of my best friends in the entire world had to spend four months with me, coxing me, pleading with me so that I would carry on a half decent conversation with them. I loved him enough to nearly kill myself because he didn't love me back. And I loved him enough that I had thrown away my silver cross so that I would not think of the the time that he had given it to me because I had been frantic enough about my other one that I had lost in battle that I had almost gone back to the base to look for it.  
  
And now he had come back and at the meer site of him I found myself like I had been on that Christmas Night. I was yet again on a shuttle bound for a place in space. I was again ready to hide myself, and this time more thouroughly. This time I would make sure that nothing went wrong. I couldn't be found. /God...if I go back. I can't go back. Not even to Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei. I-I...they told me that I'd be safe. But I wasn't. It was a lie. He came and that's enough. That's enough to know that they can't keep me safe. He found out that I was there and he came and...and I can't deal with it. I can't deal with it all over again. Not again. I can't go back to Earth. If I see any of them. And the way that he looked at me.../  
  
My body starts to shake and I swear at myself. I curl up into a tight ball in my seat and hug my knees to my chest. There's nobody here to comfort me now. There's nobody here to hold me close and tell me that things are going to be alright. There was no blond boy to reasure me that the world did not revolve purly around Heero. There was no Chinese ex-Gundam pilot to tell me that I am a better person than Heero and that I am too good for him. And there's not even a silent red-head to say ever pressious, few words to me that, in just hearing that I'm important enough that he speaks more than three words, calms me down. No...there is nothing here in space. Simply cold, empty, hard space. That is it.  
  
"Sir, it's time to get off." A pause. "Are you alright Sir?"  
  
I think that it's the suertess asking me the question. I can't even open my mouth to speak. Again my breathing is limiting and I'm gasping for air that seems to not want to enter my body. My heart is pounding in my chest and I can't do anythig to calm it down.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
Sweat breaks out along my forehead and I can feel my temperature shooting up sky high.  
  
"Sir?!"  
  
The voice is more desperate and there's a hand gently squeezing my shoulder. I don't acknowledge that she's there, that she's touching me at all.  
  
"Oh God!"  
  
There are hurried footsteps down the isle way. A couple seconds later there are more feet hurrying towards me. I hear somebody order for anybody to call 911 and then a voice talking on what I assume as a phone. But my breaths are shorter and I can't hear anything anymore. Black dots are playing infront of my vision and I'm trembling very violently. My hand smashes against something metal and I can't even scream in pain as I hear a repulsive snap of bone. My head slams against the wall of the suttle and I bearily recognize the smell that reaches my nose as blood.  
  
Then there are arm grabbing me and I'm being carried somewhere. But these are not the warm comforting arms that I know, they are cold and stiff, just taking me somewhere, just trying to keep me from hurting myself any further, these arms are not here to comfort me.  
  
There's a sting in my left wrist, I don't know what it is. But my eyes quickly get heavy and I can't keep them open. My whole body relaxes and I laps into a deep sleep.  
  
  
  
  
Duo-chan: Another chapter finished! Oh man, this is like...what? Two chapters in one day? This is almost too good to be true. Maybe it'll happen again!  
  
Heero: I doubt that.  
  
Duo: Yeah, even I agree with Heero on that one and I rarely agree with him on much except for...  
  
Duo-chan: THIS IS AN ANGST FIC!! What are you talking all lovy-dovy for? You stupid baka!  
  
Duo: Hey...you're technecly calling yourself a stupid baka!   
  
Duo-chan: Hmph. Fine. Whatever. I wonder what's going to happen next.  
  
Wufei: And the author of the story does yet again not know her own ending.  
  
Duo-chan: NO! I don't! You better get use to it buddy!  



	6. Part 6

Author's Note: Part 6. Hmm...now that I started with all of this I just can't stop! This is a really vital chapter. It's in Heero's POV.   
  
  
  
Chapter 6  
  
  
Heero stepped forward to follow after Quatre who had just sprinted after Duo and then thought better of it. He slipped away from the front door and ran around the side of the house which he had seen the braided boy turn towards when he had skidded around a corner of the hallway. The Japanese teen looked around but didn't see anything. Another look over and he caught a window, nothing special, but the grass under it had been smashed down. It was obvious that Duo had jumped out. /Fuck it! He's already gone./  
  
Sprinting to his car, the ex-Wing pilot drove back to his apartment as fast as he could without drawing too much attention as to get pulled over and further delayed by the police. He screached to a halt and left the engine on as he ran to his room and snatched his small sports bag of clothes and his laptop. He was down at the register in less than four minutes and he paid quickly as he checked out.  
  
Back in his car, Heero drove to the nearest shuttle port. It was the only place that Duo would have gone to. He got there in five minutes flat. As he pulled into a parking spot and got out he heard the roar of an engine and a shuttel launched. It blasted into the air and his heart seemed to be shot. /God. No, I can't lose him again. Not again!/ In a near panic, as paniced as a former Perfect Soldier can get, he dashed into the port and shoved his way to the ticket line for colony L2. Despite all of his instincs he forced himself to wait in line to get to the front. It wasn't very long, there were only two people ahead of him, and that was not enough to get thrown out for.   
  
Once at the desk he asked the girl if she had seen a nine-teen year old looking boy there who was so-so height, he showed her with his hand, with a three foot long braid down his back and violet eyes. The lady nodded.  
  
"Yeah. He was just here about ten minutes ago."  
  
/How the fuck did he get here so quick?!/ He wondered. "When does his suttel leave? And where did he get a ticket to?" /Please don't have had that been his suttle./  
  
"I'm sorry Sir, I can't give you that information."  
  
Heero's eyes were almost begging. "Please! I need to find him! Just...God, please tell me where he went."  
  
"I really can't." But her voice faltered a little bit.  
  
"I need to tell him something important."  
  
"I-I'm not supose to..."  
  
The Japanese teen swallowed the lump in his throat. He was desperate. /God, please, I have to know!/ "I have to tell him that I love him," he nearly whispered.  
  
The girl's eyes went wide. "Oh my! Well...I guess that I could tell you just this once." She typed something on the computer. "Can you just identify his name?"  
  
"Duo Maxwell."  
  
She nodded. "Okay. He bought a ticket for L2. And...and..." she couldn't seem to finish the sentence.  
  
/Fuck it!/ "He-he just left? Didn't he?" Heero's voice was deflated.  
  
"Yes...I'm so sorry."  
  
"When's the next shuttle to L2?"  
  
"Leaves in thirty minutes."  
  
Heero hurridly bought a ticket and then left and parked his car in a more permanent area. He then grabbed his bag and his laptop and went back to the shuttle port. After finding where his shuttle would leave from, Heero sat down in one of the chairs and started to search on his laptop. L2 wasn't a colony that was all that far away from Earth. The ride would only take about an hour and a half, if not simply and hour. /I have to find him. God, I lost him once. I can't lose him again. I have to tell him that...that I love him./  
  
- - - - - - - - - - -   
  
Once Heero got on colony L2 he quickly snatched a cab and told the driver to take him to the closest hotel. He was pulled up in front of the most run down looking hotel that he had ever seen in his life. Acutally, that was not true, but close enough. He went inside and paid for a room and then rushed to it.   
  
Throwing his bag on the bed he put his laptop on the desk that the room had and started up his sear where he had left off. It didn't matter to him that he hadn't eaten in the last thirty-two hours or that he hadn't slept in twenty-four hours, all that mattered to him was finding what was most important to him. He was looking for two words. Duo Maxwell.  



	7. Part 7

Author's Note: People, People, People! I think that you need to aplaud me on this one. Chapter 7. I really didn't think that it would be this long, but, the chapters aren't the longest in the world. I'm the worst person at making chapters!! Ahhhh...I swear, I need somebody to chapter my stuff for me. Well, now I bet that you're really wondering how this is going to end. But...I don't think that this is the ending chapter. Maybe it is...Why I'm writing this A.N. before I think about this chapter I don't know, but that's what I'm doing. Okay, on with Chapter 7!  
  
  
  
Chapter 7:  
  
  
I wake up and the first thing that regesters in my mind is that I'm surrounded by white. /I'm dead./ I think. This thought does not make any sense to me at all because I don't feel dead and I don't remember any reason why I would have died, but it sure as hell looks like I'm dead. I hear a steady, high pitched Beeping to my right and it makes me think of a heart monitor. I look over and...wow, it is a heart monitor. /Okay, so I'm in the hospital. Why?/ I wonder. My head hurts a lot by my wrist hurts even more. Looking down I see that the have a cast up to just bellow my elbow. /Hmmm...interesting./ And then I remember what happened. "Fuck!" I hiss. /I've drawn too much attention./  
  
Turning my head to the other side, I have just regestered my left hand being clasped by something. The site that meets my eyes is one that does not make me believe that I'm really awake. /I must be dreaming./ Heero's sitting in a chair beside my bed, his hand is clutching mind and his head is lolled over in a state of sleep. My body starts to tremble again. I mildly realize that all it takes is for me to think of Heero and I have a seguer. As I tremble my hand flexs and squeezes Heero's. He's immediately awake.  
  
"Duo." His voice is soft, it's the first time I've ever heard it like that. He looks at me, confusion written on his face, and then his eyes light up in an understanding.   
  
I'm shivering uncontrolably and he slips into bed beside me. His arms wrap around me and he holds me close to him. "I'm so sorry Duo," he whispers into my ear. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I never...it's just that..."  
  
"What..." I take a couple short breaths. "Why...How...When...?" I'm scared. I can tell that my eyes are huge and reflect how I'm feeling.  
  
"For God's sake Duo. I fucked up bad!"  
  
I look at him in confusion. I think that he's talking about that Christmas, but it might be that he's talking about visiting the mansion. /What is he doing holding me like this?/  
  
"I love you Duo."  
  
At those words I stop. Even my shaking stops and I lay there, perfectly still, my muscles tensed.  
  
"When you told me that you loved me, I was so surprised..."  
  
/He loves me?/  
  
"...I couldn't say anything because I had always hoped that you would feel that way."  
  
"What about...Relena?"  
  
Heero pulled me closer to him. "I went to the Cinq Kingdom because I didn't know what else to do. I was one of Relena's body guards. I looked for you in my own way, using their computers."  
  
"You...you didn't come for me," I accused.  
  
"I didn't think that you ever wanted to see me again."  
  
"And visiting?" My mind was working again.  
  
"I couldn't stand it. Relena was still after me to marry her and I couldn't be there any more. I hadn't really known that you were on Earth until three months after they found you. And, I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to see you."  
  
I felt hot tears down my face. /He loves me. Not her!/ "But...How can you just expect me...I can't just...you don't know what it's like to just..."  
  
"Shhh...calm down Duo. I know. I messed up big. And I plan to make it up to you. No matter how long it takes, I will make it up to you do."  
  
I loved him, but I couldn't just go to him. I had suffered too much to just be able to turn over a new leaf. His arms lossened from around my waist and I let him go sit back in his chair.  
  
"I'm not going to be able to do this Heero. I can't just change like that."  
  
"I know Duo."  
  
"It's going to take time. I'm going to have to be able to trust myself again before I can trust you. And that's going to take a long time."  
  
"I'm willing to wait forever for you Duo. I'll never lose you again."  
  
"But...I mean...it's just that..."  
  
"You don't have to worry. Do whatever you need to do. I'll give you whatever you need."  
  
"I need space."  
  
"Okay."  
  
  
*a year and eight months later*  
  
I'm standing in my own apartment. I've finally done it. I have a job and my own place to live now. I'm far down that road of trusting myself. Heero said that he'd wait for me, and that he would give me whatever I needed. I said space and that's what he's given me. We split ways on L2 once I got out of the hospital. Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, and Zechs had come there just about five hours after I woke up. I guess that they all talked to Heero out of my room because nobody killed anybody else. I know that Heero's there for me, whenever I'm ready. And I think that time is soon. I haven't had an attack in ten months. Things have gone really well and I can trust myself now. But the next step is going to be the hardest one. I'm going to have to learn to trust Heero. I know that I can, with my life. But after those two years of self torture because the fact the he was silent. I shake my head. No, I'm not going to think about that. That's over and done with, it's not important anymore. What I need to look forward to is the future, to what's going to happen, not what did happen. And right now I need to get ready for Heero coming for dinner. I haven't seen him in nearly two years and now I'm having him over for dinner. Everything has to be perfect. The doorbell rings and I sigh and give the dining room one last glance over. "Perfect," I whisper to myself and go rush to answer the door.  



End file.
